The Wall

How long do you throw yourself against a wall before you realize it's not coming down? 

Do you wait until a bone is broken?  Until you are bruised beyond recognition?

What are you waiting for?

Are you waiting for the wall to tell you itself that it's not budging?  

Isn't it a wall? 

By it's very nature, it will never tell you what you need to hear.

So how long do you try? 

At what point do you stop blaming the wall for your wounds and start blaming yourself for continuing to throw yourself at it? 

The day will come, my love, when you will look up and see the wall as it is. 

It is not coming down for you.  

So, before the wounds leave you unrecognizeable, pick yourself up.

Pick yourself up from the dirt and turn towards the sun that is behind you.

But as you take your first step, take one last look back. 

Remember these stones and do not let yourself be mistaken again.

Shed no more tears for this wall, for it sheds none for you.

Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Oh, love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in thee
I give you back this life I owe
and in your ocean depths its flow
may richer, fuller be


Oh, light that follows all my way
I yield my flickering torch to thee
and my heart restores its borrowed ray
that in your sunshine's blaze its day
may brighter, fairer be


Oh, joy, that seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and feel the promise is not vain
that morn shall tearless be


Oh, cross that lifts and holds my head
I dare not ask to fly from thee
I lay in dust life's glory dead
that from the ground there blossoms red
life that shall endless be

Certainty Even in the Uncertain

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”  - Isaiah 12:2


I'm finding that in times where you feel overcome with despair, it's hard to believe things will get better for you.  But I know that we are nearsighted individuals and can't see what's coming.  I still don't know what lies ahead for me, but I have to trust and have faith that it is good.  "I will trust and not be afraid."  Momma gave me something the other day...it's a long ribbon necklace with a key on the end that is engraved with the word "Faith."  It was my Grandmother's.  So I'm holding onto it, thinking of my Grandmomma, and having faith that everything will be okay.  I will be okay.  Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Mother's Day Shenanigans

Is that even how you spell shenanigans?  I'm not sure.  I never claimed to be a great speller and even though I was just in a show about a spelling bee, it unfortunately did not rub off on me at all.  I now can correctly spell boanthropy, flagellate, chimerical, hallux and elanguescence, but that is it.  So lower your expectations please.  I CAN'T TAKE THIS PRESSURE.

Anyway, this past weekend was Mother's Day and I hope you all spent some great quality time with your Mommy's if you were able to.  In the life of my mother, Tonya Godwin, however, it isn't just Mother's DAY. No, no.  It is Mother's Day WEEKEND and you better be in her sight for all of it.  You might call it a lockdown.  My mother actually does call it that.  haha.  But we had a really great weekend and had some really fun family times.  Made a late night run to get icecream after dinner Saturday night, spent some time out by the pool and played Just Dance on the wii ALLLLL weekend.  It was seriously the funniest thing I have seen/done in a long time.  Since you couldn't be there to witness the hilarity, I will post a little video I took.  Notice Jordan complaining about how she's tired the whole way throughout (typical) and Haley being completely focused and serious about it.  She is going for blood. And then there's me....laughing like a crazy person behind the camera (also typical).



I'm actually really sore from doing that thing.  You can laugh, but it was a SERIOUS workout.

Anyway, it was a great weekend had by all.  Such good family times and I enjoyed every second of it.  Here are some picsies for you :)

HAPPY MOMMY'S DAY! 

And now for a little section I like to call...

QUOTES FROM "THE TON" 

(ton as in tonya, not a literal ton):

Things my mother has actually said:

• "Isn't it interesting how comets look like sperm?"
• (to my sisters and I) "Without me, y'all would be a bunch of stinky, ugly, NOTHINGS!"
• "No, I'm not your best friend Jordan.....I'm your worst enemy."
• JORDAN: "what if i choked you with this tape measure?"
  MOTHER: "what if i pushed your nose into your brain and killed you?"
  JORDAN: ".....what?"
• "Haley, there is a demon inside of you, and I'm going to BEAT it out of you if I have to."
• "I don't like a stinkin' machine, with a stinkin' video camera on it, so you're gonna be on,  I'm gonna look on youtube and see you naked! I'm tired of it."
• "We're the Godwins.  You might have heard of us."
• (running to the window to see helicopters as they fly over the house) GIRLS!!! IT'S THE MILITARY!!!!"

With that, I will conclude this post.  Hahahah.  So thankful for my Momma.  She is quite a woman and one HECK of a mother.  Oh and in case you haven't seen this little gem yet, here's an oldie but a goodie:



HAHAHAH.  Classic.

Boyfriend Visit :)

Well, I was a bit of a spoiled girl a couple weeks ago.  Peter came to visit for two whole weeks and I have to say I could get used to it.  Maybe I will be able to get used to it soon....more on that later :)

It was an awesome two weeks and we filled it with some seriously good times.  Let's recap shall we?

He saw Spelling Bee (twice) and was actually used as an audience participant the first time too so I especially enjoyed that haha. 

Got all fancied up for the Lyric Subscriber event where I got to cart him around as my arm candy and introduce him to some theatre people who, as it turns out, know how to drop some serious hints (coughINGRIDcough...I hope she is reading this. haha. It was hilarious.). 

Had a yummy dinner with Peter's good friend Cary at Papadeaux. 

PAUSE.

I have GOT to tell you a story about Cary for a second.  So, when Peter was here in March we made plans to go get sushi with Cary and Peter's friend Julia.  We were going to meet Cary at his place though and then carpool to the restaurant.  Cary lives in Lawrenceville so we had planned to leave around 6 to get there at 7 (assuming traffic was going to be a biatch, because it always is).  Well, we left around 6 and to our surprise traffic was no problem at all so we ended up getting there much sooner than we had anticipated.  I mean we were a few minutes away from his place and it wasn't even 6:30 yet.  So Peter says "Oh wow. We're almost there. We're going to be really early." and I say something to the effect of "Does Cary know this?  Maybe you should let him know we're going to be this early."  Peter says "Nah, it's fine." and we keep driving.  I'm like "okayyyy..." Well right at 6:30 we pull up, go to the door, Peter knocks....the door opens and there stands Cary (who I am meeting for the first time)....IN HIS PAJAMAS. hahahahah.  Cary is like "OH HEY PETER thanks a lot for letting me know you were HERE so that I could get DRESSED."  hahaha.  And of course, I'm like "Yep...I told you so. I toldddd you so."  It's my favorite thing to say :) haha.  Anyway, it was hilarious and what a great first introduction!

RESUME.

We went to Athens to revisit my old stomping grounds and the place where we first met 8 years ago.
We even went and found the bench outside Brumby Hall where we had our first kiss as nervous little 18 year olds (see pics).  Totally looked like creepy old people stalking around the freshman dorms though.  Oh well.  While we were there we got to meet up with Haley for some coffee and then some of Peter's friends later for drinks and dinner.  So much funsies.

our student ID's taken at orientation. HAH!

                                                        

Went down to McDonough for Easter and Peter met some of my extended family. Aunts, an Uncle and the cousins.  Quite a crew so he handled it very well :)  He also was subjected to his first Easter photoshoot organized by my mother every year, which he survived so he got major points for that one.

    

our traditional "everyone looking different directions" pic

Then Peter flew home to see his parents in Orlando for a few days.  He had a great time and was supposed to come back late Wednesday night, but of course...that Wednesday was the night of the crazy tornado's in GA.  Of course it was.  So, first his flight was an hour and a half late taking off.  He made it to Atlanta and was LITERALLY hovering over the runway when they turned around and went to Jacksonville, FL instead.  Apparently the winds were too strong for them to risk trying to land.  So he was stuck at the Jacksonville airport over night (poor baby had to sleep on the airport floor!), but was luckily able to get on a 6:30am flight the next morning and finally got back to ATL.  It was so crazy.  Definitely glad that he was safe though.  I know his mother was too!  So between that and the ice storm that tried to ruin everything, we are basically seasoned pro's at dealing with storms and natural disasters.

The next day, we went to Athens AGAIN, but with my family this time to see Jordan's spring voice recital.  It was AMAZING.  She was INCREDIBLE.  Voice of an angel!  Funny story: Jordan actually shared a recital time with another student who went after her.  Peter was extremely impressed with Jordan's voice and so after the other girl's first song, he LITERALLY turns to me and says OUT LOUD "Her voice really isn't as strong as your sister's." hahahahha.  So matter-of-fact. haha. It was true, but you know...we have to keep these things to ourselves until we are in the car on the way home.  Momma taught us that rule a lonnnggg time ago. haha. Also while in Athens, we all went out to eat with the van Zyls (Jordan's boyfriend's family) and I am proud to say that during the delicious meal, Peter got his first fat kid stain. hahah. Well, probably not his first, but the first I've ever witnessed.  Right of passage in the Godwin family!  My sisters especially loved this because "now we know he isn't perfect." haha. Perfect is boring they say.

And just a day and a half after we got back from Athens, he was in a plane, bound once again for the Fatherland.  Sigh...I definitely have a love hate relationship with that airport now.  It brings him to me, but then it turns around and takes him away.  So rude.

Next time it will be ME coming to HIM though!  Germany in T minus 16 days!

Freeze Frame!

Remember that song???  Pretty sure I heard it about 2398472398463 times over the years at dance competitions because back in the good 'ole 90's it was apparently every choreographer's jam.  

But that's not the point, the point is my boyfriend has this little game he likes to play called, take-a-screenshot-of-courtney-anytime-her-picture-freezes-on-skype.  And as you can imagine the VAST majority are absolutely HIDEOUS and I'm pretty sure those are his favorite ones.  The worst part??? He sends them to me immediately after taking them.  So mean right?!?!   I will never understand this sick pleasure of his to capture my ugliest moments for all eternity.  He promises me he deletes the worst ones, but I'm not so sure I believe that...hmmmm.  Well regardless, I thought I'd share some of these little gems with you.  I will say that I deleted all but a few of the REALLY bad ones since they mostly made me want to vomit, but I did save some and others that weren't so bad.

So without further adieu - here we have the "Candid Courtney: Skype Edition" collection.  I will admit there are only like three really gross ones in there and even those are pretty mild (so you can imagine how bad the others were), but I still think these are pretty humorous.

So clearly this is one of my better moments.

Glowing...and staring creepily into the camera

Making some important point I'm sure.

Intimidation.

And here begins the downward spiral.

I have no idea.

Looking a little deranged in this one.

So pretty.

This one was particularly disturbing b/c it is the EXACT thinking pose we make fun of my mother for.

Special.

Oh this one is actually cute -  right after my Vday flowers were delivered! 

Gotta love the mid-blink

Haley was plugging her ears as we said our goodbyes...and this is apparently the face I make when doing so.

And yes I know what you're all thinking - why don't I just retaliate and take hideous pictures of him?  Two reasons - my version of skype won't let me do this strangely enough.  So my regular way of taking a screen shot involves too many steps and it's usually unfrozen by the time I get to it.   ALSO, the few times I HAVE been able to catch him actually turn out to be good pictures!  So unfair.

So there ya go friends.  How's that for friday night entertainment?  It always feels good to laugh at someone else's expense.  You're welcome.

Spring Time Ramblings

I don't know why, but I am FEELIN the need for some retail therapy right now...specifically in the clothing department. Not necessarily for the thrill of spending money (b/c Lord knows that is not thrilling to me), but mainly b/c I NEED to spruce up my wardrobe people.  It is in desperate need.  Chase usually comments on something every time he walks into my closet.  One time he took one look at my lineup of dresses (I have a lot) and was like "WHOA PRINTS." ....he later sort of took it back and realized I do in fact have solid color dresses, but the point stands that my selection was less than impressive. I actually dislike most of what is in my closet I realized.  Which is just dumb!!! It's my closet for pete's sake!

So I've decided to go through the whole clean out process.  Just get rid of what I never wear (or should never wear) and start fresh.  Spring Cleaning right???

The concept of spring cleaning is so brilliant.  First of all, accumulating clutter and useless/meaningless things is not a good habit to fall into. And you can take that concept and apply it to other areas of life.  It always feels good to clean up things a little and start with fresh outlook. 

SUNSHINE MAKES ME HAPPY.

Speaking of sun...I need some badly.  My legs are currently in a state that should not be viewed by the naked eye for fear of permanent damage - aka BLINDNESS.  I'm not joking people.  I used my one day off this weekend to lay by the pool, but it takes more than a day to make any dent in this level of whiteness. And for all you healthy skin people out there, don't worry,  I'm not trying to fry myself here.  I just want to wear a skirt and look like a normal person.  The problem is finding the daylight to enjoy.  I'm stuck inside under flourescents all day and then hop in a car to go to a theatre till it's late.  It's a big problem....

In other news, I have had some lovely times with people I love over the past several days.  Haley came into town for the weekend and we had the best of times. Not doing anything particularly amazing, but that's the beauty of sisters...you enjoy each other's company so much it really doesn't matter what you're doing.  Made a DELICIOUSSSS dinner that I am totally patting myself on the back for, had a killer workout where I especially enjoyed beating the crap out of Haley...(maybe I should go into personal training as a side business), heard an awesome and very relevant sermon at church, and had all kinds of much needed sister talk.

Out in the highlands before we stuffed our faces at Noche

THEN I got to go up to Athens Monday night w/ my parents, saw my baby sister Jordan lead worship at Wesley (never heard a more beautiful, God-filled voice), and then had coffee after with everyone plus Jo's bf Ross (who we will henceforth refer to as Rossypoo), Haley and her bf Tyler.  The only person missing was MY boyfriend!

Speaking of my boyfriend...he is going to be here in seven days!!!  Who's excited???  I know you're excited.  Don't try to hide and and act like you ain't either.

PEACE.